I look better un-naked...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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