a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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