piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
