Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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