The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
