Swine flu is the new snow day.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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