Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
