I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
In America we eat man semen.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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