I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
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I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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