I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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