a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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