escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
