I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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