Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
