life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
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Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
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Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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