mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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