i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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