Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
