onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize