How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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