It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
