I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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