ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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