Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
