if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
