Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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