He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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