Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize