Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
