Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
