Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
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Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
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Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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