Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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