Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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