My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
