Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
