girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
