Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
