you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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