THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
