If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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