rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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