i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
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Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
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When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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