Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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