Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
