You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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