I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
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New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.