my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.