i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter