There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
