Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
As shirtless as possible
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
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