I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
being pregnant is like rehab
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The uberlube is also flammable
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Randomize
