pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
