the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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