She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
