she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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