Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
