I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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