Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We need to rekindle our bromance
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
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