Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??