I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world