my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila