She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date