I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
