My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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