I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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