His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
