ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
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Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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