i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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