My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
